While the lure of a fancy, Instagram-worthy vacation was strong (especially for a wedding photographer trying to keep up with the Joneses) and we could actually afford a great vacation this year, my heart pulled me in the opposite direction. I felt a yearning to simplify, do LESS and mostly to disconnect from my 24/7 job, screen time and to reconnect with my family and nature.

In my world of having two sets of children, ten years apart, I have the luxury of standing back to see my two older boys interacting while watching the younger ones play right beside them. It gives me flashbacks to when Andrew and Isaac (the older ones, 16 & 14) were the same ages as Finn and Rita (2 & 4) and enables me to have incredible perspective of the “it goes by so fast” epidemic of our too rushed/time wasted culture. I wanted a vacation that forced us to put down our devices. A vacation that released us from the “must happen right now” normalcy of our everyday…to have real conversation and lean into each other and live in the moment. I wanted to be forced to talk about the “behaviors” and “tantrums” and decide on solutions instead of turning on the TV to distract from them for a few more minutes of time to get stuff done or race off to the next activity on an over-packed trip.

All of this was painful.

It was painful to realize how many times a day I mindlessly reach for my phone and tap in the Instagram app even though I try so hard to be mindful and set limits.

It was painful to watch my kids cry and whine to go home because they wanted their favorite

For most of my life I have wanted to get to a place where I could say “I’ve made it.“ And, shine like a beacon of hope to all other people that have struggled in their lives. I have wanted to stand on some sort of pedestal to show people that “you can do it too.“  I have yearned to give advice from a place of authority and also to show people that didn’t believe in me from the beginning that I DID IT.